Finding Myself Again at 30

 

Napa Valley Castello Winery

My twenties have felt like a long road and yet it felt bittersweet to say goodbye. I was surprisingly still holding on to my twenties as my 30th birthday finally approached. I have been 30 for just about two weeks now, and it still feels strange…

A lot of you wonderful readers who follow me on Instagram saw that a couple of months ago, I had posted to Instagram about going through depression. To elaborate, I went through a mega-depression from the age of 24-28. During that time, I gained 30 pounds in three months, I felt like I didn’t care about myself anymore, and I completely and utterly lost myself. At times, I felt like I was mourning the old me, post depression and couldn’t find her anywhere in me anymore.

At age 27, I decided to take control of my life, I was feeling like I was just surviving, not living. I went through a lot of loss, three people close to me had passed away in a matter of six months. I was commuting two and a half hours a day to work and because I lived for my job and my hours were long and usually until late, I didn’t have many friends, and I was also dealing with health issues… in and out of the hospital. I knew I couldn’t sustain this lifestyle anymore, this lifestyle of sadness, illness, and negativity; nor did I want to. I was ready to let some happy light shine through, but where to start was the question…

Fashion photography

After thinking long and hard, going back and fourth about my job (which was a huge part of me and my passion) and talking things through with my husband, I decided to quit my corporate job and move on to something else in my life where I could first focus on my health and then decide the next approach on the rest of my life.

It took some time, but when my health started to get better and I was in remission, I was ready to take on a new project and challenge in my life and that is when Style Truly really came alive. I was creating fashion looks and organizing photo-shoots, and the creative bug came rushing back to me.

Long blue gown

As Style Truly started to grow and as I started to head to influencer events, I noticed something strange… I had become so closed off and felt so beat down from my depression that I was so worried that people wouldn’t like me nor wanted to be my friend; or I kept thinking people would find me annoying. It’s weird how when I felt lost with myself, I also couldn’t even talk to people. It was a strange revelation that as this depressed person, I didn’t know how to interact with people anymore. (Before post depression I felt like this burst of life that talked to anyone and everyone and always included others in conversations). At this point, I was afraid to even speak, I had changed… feeling lost and not confident affects you in more ways than you realize.

As I started to turn more to healing crystals and continued going to therapy, I started to accept that I went through weight gain and depression, and had to forgive myself. I started to say that I’m not going to let it win or define me. I started to get back on the healthy train and workout regularly (lets be real it was more like walking my dog and some yoga to start :), I changed my eating habits… from eating anything and everything to now being completely gluten free (with the occasional cheats) and a completely and only fish-based/seafood diet. I became a pescatarian for health reasons. As I started to focus my mindset on my healing crystals and more positive thinking (which can be so challenging at times since I would always think worst case and negative thoughts immediately in all situations), it took some time to really hone in on shifting my thinking and perspective on things, but once I did it was a huge game changer.

Napa Valley Wine Train

What is Crystal Healing?

Crystal Healing is a very visual approach to focusing your mind on something positive and it helps give off that positive energy/ vibration. Each stone has their own vibration and their own meanings. I love picking the crystals, I feel like I need and their meanings start to resonate with me. Click HERE to learn more about crystals.

Long Blue Dress

Fast forward to 2019 and my 29th year was coming to an end, I finally started to feel more in tune with who I am, and have accepted my challenges to move forward from them and stop living in the past. I chopped my hair off, got a new fresh look, and I really felt that while turning 30 this year, I have also pushed through and transitioned out of my depression, so with this hurdle I have over come, I wanted a NEW and improved me/look. I welcomed it!

The Last and Final Piece to the Puzzle

When I met a fellow influencer, Quigley (Casey), at the beginning of the New Year, and in my opinion we were meant to meet, she really encouraged me to open up and it made me start thinking… I admire her and her creativity, so any feedback she was willing to give me as well as her time made me so thankful and I was ready to do it. Casey challenged me in such a positive way! She kindly said, “I love your page, but where is your face? I want to see your face.” A lot of you have noticed that in 90% of my photos on Instagram and on the blog, I would always be in sunglasses. Casey got me thinking about why I never fully showed my face; aside from loving sunglasses.

Twining in Napa Valley

I realized after we spoke that I had been, in a way, hiding behind the shades because I felt self-conscious about the way I looked. When I hit my lowest point, my self-esteem went with it. After taking Casey’s advice, the next photoshoots would open a whole new door and help me come full circle, yep, another step forward, pushing through the feelings of not being good enough to being ME now, and the me that I am finally ok with as well as ready to show to others. Being self-conscious is still with me and I do work through it each day, but it is almost like coming to the beginning again… in showing all of myself and pushing through fear, it is the last step for me on this journey, to really move on.

So here is 30, a NEW fresh start and chapter. I release my twenties and welcome my thirties.

To read about New Moon Wishing click HERE

For anyone who is dealing with depression, you are NOT alone. You are loved by the ones around you, and you’ve got this. If you want to know more about my crystal healing approach or have any questions about going to therapy, please shoot me a comment or private message. I would love to hear from you.

XX-

Stefanie

 

2 Comments

  1. Jenn
    June 10, 2019 / 9:30 pm

    Beautiful!!! The post, the photos, and the girl behind the blog.

    • styletruly
      Author
      June 11, 2019 / 5:21 am

      Thank you so much lovely!

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